Hiding in Plain Sight: 8/21
Oct. 22nd, 2008 06:51 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
xantheficTitle: Hiding in Plain Sight: Part Eight
Author: Xanthe
Fandom: SGA/NCIS crossover
Pairings: Gibbs/DiNozzo, John/Rodney, Carson/Caldwell, Teyla/Ronon, Ziva/McGee, and some other pairings that would spoil the story if I revealed them. Gibbs/Ducky friendship.
Rating: NC17 for explicit BDSM sex (m/m slash, femslash and het) and spanking.
Author's Notes
Summary: When a serial killer murders three marines on Atlantis, NCIS are called in to investigate. However, their arrival brings complications for everyone – revealing a lie, a prophecy, a secret and a nemesis.
Part Eight: “You should talk to someone about it, John," Gibbs said, "And I think I’m the closest thing you’ve got to someone who understands you right now.”
Hiding in Plain Sight
By Xanthe
Part Eight
Gibbs watched Rodney go, noticing how he eyed Tony warily as they walked towards the door – there was no love lost between those two but he wasn’t sure why Tony was so antagonistic towards the scientist.
The door closed behind them and Gibbs leaned back in his chair, one hand still on the table. He drummed his fingers on it for a long while, gazing at General Sheppard the entire time. Sheppard gazed back at him, and Gibbs could see by the look in his eyes that he knew how this would go.
“You’ve done this before, haven’t you?” he said. “Taken the rap for him?”
“He’s my sub,” Sheppard replied, as if there was no choice in the matter. Gibbs admired him – he’d met some tops who’d take a public punishment for their subs, but not many.
“Woolsey doesn’t like you,” he said, dispassionately.
“I know.” Sheppard nodded.
“So it’ll likely be bad,” Gibbs continued. Sheppard shrugged.
“Nobody is going to discipline Rodney except me, and I refuse to do it with an audience, and as I’m guessing Woolsey is going to demand an audience then he’ll have to make do with my ass and not Rodney’s,” he said. “It’s my right – and I won’t put Rodney through that again.”
Gibbs wondered what he was referring to when he said 'again' but didn’t press. He thought maybe he’d misjudged this man. The studied air of laziness, and the laid-back manner were deceiving. This man had a dark streak – no wonder Rodney had been so freaked out about them touching him earlier. This was a dominant who played at the top of his game – he loved and protected his sub with a rare passion, but it was a passion that could occasionally spill over into something terrifying. Gibbs understood that – but whereas he could see Sheppard’s rage was red hot when roused, his own tended to be ice cold.
“You’re as good as DiNozzo at hiding who you are,” he murmured, wishing he could sometimes see more of a glimpse of the Tony behind the mask. The Tony who was serious, committed and take charge, and not the Tony who played the fool to throw them all off the scent. Just what was Tony hiding anyway?
“Rodney’s the only one who can handle who I am,” Sheppard replied.
“I can believe that.” Gibbs nodded.
There was silence for a long time. Then Gibbs stopped drumming his fingers on the table and leaned forward.
“What the hell happened to him?” he asked softly. Sheppard’s face tightened, and that dark look returned to his eyes. “Something happened to him,” Gibbs prompted. “Something that’s left you wounded – something you can’t get over. That’s why he tried to protect you, John. That’s why he lied about the stargate glitch. He knows you’re vulnerable right now – and you’ve let him feel that way. You deserve to take the punishment for his screw-up, John Sheppard, because you’re the top here but you haven’t been a proper top to him for awhile, have you? How long has it been?”
Sheppard glared at him.
“A few months I’m guessing. How long since you last took him down? How long since you made the hard decisions – for his sake?”
Sheppard shook his head, mutely.
“You should talk to someone about it, John," Gibbs said, "And I think I’m the closest thing you’ve got to someone who understands you right now.”
He got up, allowing those words to sink in. He walked around the room, musing out loud.
“Having a sub is a huge responsibility and sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to,” he said. “See DiNozzo – he’s a whole heap of trouble, as you accurately identified yourself earlier. I don’t always want to take him down, and sometimes I’m tired or busy or not in the mood – but it always backfires if I don’t. And you…you’d rather indulge your sub than punish him and that’s not like you – it’s not the top you are in your heart. You wouldn’t normally shirk your responsibilities but you have recently and you know you have.”
He leaned against the wall and watched John Sheppard ran long fingers through his untidy dark hair. There was another silence and then Sheppard started talking, and his voice was hoarse, low and defeated.
“I lost him,” he whispered. “We were in this other place…and he fell through a gap, into another universe. He was shot…and I wasn’t there. I wasn’t there.” He looked up, and his eyes were dark with the memory.
Gibbs had a flash of empathy, remembering his commanding officer coming to him, his expression stricken, and giving him Shannon’s blood-stained collar. He hadn’t been there to protect her and she was dead, and so was Kelly, and it had been his responsibility to take care of them. He’d failed them, damn it. He’d failed them and he had to live with that for the rest of his life.
“He was lying there, in a strange world, with nobody who cared about him and I couldn’t do one damn thing to help him,” John murmured. “I couldn’t even go after him because he was dying, and it was draining the lifebond down to nothing and I couldn’t walk, couldn’t *do* anything except lie there and try to keep him alive through the lifebond. I could feel his pain, could feel his life ebbing away and I couldn’t even hold him in my arms. He was so far away. I had to send someone else in my place – someone good, someone I trusted, but not me. I failed him,” he whispered. Gibbs nodded.
“Yes. I understand,” he said, because he did. He understood exactly.
“He could have died – and I would have died too, but we'd have been apart, unable to touch each other one last time. And now…it’s like I’m blocked,” John said. “I can’t tell him that but he feels it. He knows I’m anxious but he doesn’t know why, and I don’t want to lay that on him; he’ll just feel guilty about it. You’re right – I can’t take him down, even when he needs it. Sometimes, when I know he needs it, I try to do it - but all I see is him, lying on the floor with that great big wound in his chest, lying there in a pool of his own blood, all alone, and I can feel him slipping away from me – and I can’t do it. I just can’t do it, any more than I could protect him from being shot.”
“All he knows is that you’re vulnerable right now and he has to protect you,” Gibbs said softly. “So he lied about the stargate glitch, to keep his top from being challenged when he was at his weakest.”
“Yeah.” John nodded, and looked up to meet Gibbs's gaze, his hazel eyes dark. “Yeah, that’s about it. I totally screwed this one up.”
“Yes you did,” Gibbs agreed, briskly, because he didn’t like wallowing in self-pity himself and he wasn’t about to let anyone else do it either – not that John Sheppard looked like the self-pitying type. “But you know what you have to do now.”
“Yes I do. It’ll kill Rodney though – it almost did last time, after Doranda, and this is even worse. He won’t want me to take a punishment for him – he’d rather take it himself but he knows I can’t – I *won’t* - let that happen.”
“I’ll speak to Woolsey,” Gibbs said. “I don’t see there's anything to be gained from you taking a public punishment for this. Whatever needs to happen should take place between you and Rodney – nobody else.”
“Yeah, well, good luck with that.” John gave a wry grin. “Woolsey hates me and has been looking for a way to assert some authority over me since he arrived. He’ll leap at this and won’t let it go.”
“We’ll see,” Gibbs said, having an idea. “You – wait here. I’m going to brief my team and then I’m going to escort you to Woolsey’s office.”
“Okay. I’ll uh…consider myself out-topped,” John muttered, rubbing his chin ruefully. “But then I guess you’re used to that, aren’t you, Agent Gibbs?”
Gibbs shook his head. “You lost your way there for awhile and I can’t say I blame you,” he said, remembering the aftermath of Shannon’s death and the ice cold feeling inside that had made him feel numb and which had never quite faded away. He also remembered how, in that cold, grey year after her death he’d found friendship with a medical examiner. Ducky had brought him lunch when he forgot to eat and had been his friend when everyone else gave him a wide berth, terrified of the dark look in his eyes and the almost tangible streak of self-destruction in his soul. He had lost his way back then, done some things he wasn't proud of, and been out of control a lot of the time. It had helped to have a friend in his time of need - and Ducky had been a true friend when nobody else was interested. He hoped he could be a friend now, to this man in front of him. Even the best tops got it wrong occasionally and he had a gut instinct that John Sheppard was one of the best tops there was.
Gibbs retrieved his subs and returned to their quarters to find Abby and Ducky waiting for them.
“Well, you were right, Abs,” he told her.
She got up and flung her arms around his neck. “Oh Gibbs! I’m so happy! I knew Rodney didn’t do it!” she squealed.
“Well he didn’t murder anyone but he’s sure as hell in a whole heap of other trouble,” Tony said, and Gibbs got the impression his sub was pleased about that. He wished he had more time to get to the bottom of Tony’s issues with Rodney but right now he had more pressing matters to deal with.
“Ducky – I need your help,” he said. Tony had already filled the team in on what was going on, and he re-capped the salient points for Ducky.
“I don’t see what the problem is,” he overheard McGee muttering to Tony. “So Rodney screwed up – someone has to take the rap for it. Why is Gibbs getting involved? Does it matter if the general has to take a public punishment? What's it got to do with us?"
“Well I don’t know, probie – what does it have to do with us?” Tony asked, a withering look on his face. “How do you suppose you’d feel if it was - I don’t know - say a probie covering up for his sister during a murder investigation, and HIS top went to the wall for him? Supposing that top told the director, that there was no way – NO WAY - that he was going to allow his wussy little sub to go through a hard public punishment for his – let’s be honest – massive screw-up. And this meeting between the probie’s top and the director went on, and on, and on - because you see this top was so damn stubborn, and so damn committed to his sub that he wouldn’t give up. So the director either had to allow this probie’s top to take the public punishment in place of the poor little probie, something he was very prepared to do, or she had to let the top take care of the probie’s punishment himself – privately, with discretion, and a huge dollop of comfort after I expect. I wonder how you’d feel then, hmm? Would that make you feel just a little bit more empathy for the situation?”
McGee’s face paled, visibly, and Gibbs winced – clearly McGee had never worked that one out fully before now, and Tony hadn’t exactly sugared it any. Tony was right though – that was exactly what had happened, and that was another reason why he was going to pull out all the stops to get the same result for General Sheppard. Gibbs recognised a kindred top when he saw one, and Sheppard’s determination to take a public and humiliating punishment for his sub reminded him of himself.
“You with me on this one, Ducky?” he asked, and Ducky nodded, eyes blinking behind the spectacles. “You’ve made friends with Woolsey and he trusts you.”
“I’ll do what I can, Jethro but I think you over-estimate our little chat the other night. We got on very well but whether Mr Woolsey listens to me or not is another matter,” Ducky sighed.
“Just give it a try,” Gibbs said. “This is a complex situation and I don’t see any good comes from dealing with it straight by the book.”
“Unfortunately, straight by the book is Woolsey’s style,” Ducky replied.
“A matter like this should be taken care of between a dominant and his sub,” Gibbs said firmly, with a brief glance in McGee’s direction. McGee looked as if he was about to faint at the very memory of the punishment he’d taken that day, and what Gibbs had been prepared to do to keep him out of the public disciplinary room.
“Okay – the rest of you – go over the evidence again. We clearly haven’t caught our killer which means that he – or she – is still out there,” Gibbs told his collared agents. “Get on it and see if you can come up with anything else while Ducky and I take care of this.”
~*~
Ducky walked alongside Gibbs and General Sheppard with a feeling of trepidation in his stomach. He'd do his best, of course, but he hoped Gibbs's faith in him in this instance wasn't misplaced. One late night drink was hardly the stuff of which a solid friendship could be claimed…although, he suspected that that one friendly chat made him the closest thing to a friend that Richard Woolsey had on Atlantis.
John Sheppard had the grim but weary look on his face of a man going to the executioner. Gibbs, meanwhile, one hand on Ducky's shoulder, had that same look of utter determination on his face that he had whenever he was defending one of his own submissives. Ducky found that interesting, and could only assume that Gibbs was identifying more strongly with Sheppard's predicament than he probably should – perhaps as a result of Tim McGee's recent spot of bother over his sister.
Ducky was well aware of Gibbs's feelings on the subject of public punishments – unless they were judicial, and part of the due legal process, Gibbs disliked them intensely. Ducky knew that Gibbs would never allow a sub of his to go through a public punishment, and, as their top, he did of course have the right to submit himself for the punishment on their behalf, as John Sheppard was intending to do here.
Ducky admired both men their stance on the matter. The better option was for the top in question to administer punishment himself, privately, as Gibbs had done with McGee, but that was, technically speaking, wangling one's way around the subject somewhat, and frowned upon by most authorities. It also relied on an element of trust – one had to trust that the sub had been suitably punished without it being witnessed, and most authorities didn't have that kind of trust and didn't want to condone anyone breaking the rules and getting off scot-free either.
It was, all in all, a tricky matter. Woolsey was quite within his rights to order Rodney to be punished and John was within *his* rights, as Rodney's top, to take that punishment in his sub's stead. What John didn't have was any kind of right, whatsoever, to demand that he be allowed to take care of the matter privately - and Ducky wasn't sure on what grounds Woolsey could be prevailed upon to agree to it.
Of course, Gibbs, with five collared subs to his name, took a great risk with his stance – which was one of the reasons he demanded so much of them, Ducky suspected. If Gibbs's five submissives had been unruly and constantly getting themselves into hot water, Gibbs would be presenting himself to the punishment room on a regular basis to take their discipline for them, and Ducky shuddered at the thought of that. The idea of a man like Gibbs having to take swats over a judicial punishment bench was too much to bear – it was wrong on every single level.
Ducky always conducted himself with the utmost decorum to ensure he brought no such shame on his top, and he knew that Gibbs's other submissives tried to do the same – even the predictably naughty Tony tried to keep his behaviour in check for that reason. In fact, Ducky sometimes wondered if Gibbs didn’t spank Tony so regularly just to ensure he stayed grounded and didn’t go off and do something stupid just to get Gibbs’s attention; Tony was an undeniably brilliant agent but he hadn’t stayed anywhere for very long before Gibbs had recruited him for NCIS. His service record was littered with black marks and public disciplinary punishments. Perhaps that sixth sense Gibbs had for lost and wayward subs had made him step in and rescue Tony before he killed himself in pursuit of whatever it was he was hellbent on finding.
Ducky had a similar dislike for the idea of the tall, dark-haired man beside him being publicly punished as well – anyone could see that General Sheppard was a good top who loved his submissive dearly and did his job to the utmost of his capability. If he also had a certain kind of dangerous, wayward charm, that just added to his charisma – although Ducky was willing to bet it had got him into hot water with the authorities in the past. But John Sheppard was his own man and would take the rap for his own mistakes – and those of his sub. Nobody could ever accuse him of being a coward.
It was late but Woolsey was still working in his office – Ducky suspected there was little else to drag the man away from his job. They stepped inside and Gibbs shut the door quietly behind them. Woolsey looked up from his desk, a surprised expression upon his face.
"Trouble, gentlemen?" he asked, his gaze flickering towards Sheppard, and then over to Gibbs's taut-shouldered stance and finally coming to rest on Ducky, to whom he directed the question.
"Well, that depends on how you look at it," Ducky began, intending to start the matter with some finessing. Gibbs had no patience for such an approach though and ploughed straight in with his usual terse directness.
"Yes – trouble," he answered. "Before you ask, we have not found our killer. However, this is by way of a heads up about something I have no choice but to put in my report. Dr Rodney Sheppard lied to you about the status of that stargate glitch that temporarily prevented transport between galaxies. Rodney wanted NCIS to make the trip here on the Daedalus – a journey of around eighteen days, rather than step through the stargate – a journey of a few minutes – in order to give General Sheppard more time to investigate, and hopefully solve, the crimes himself. He acted out of the best – if misguided - motives but it still amounts to interfering with a federal investigation. He is not, and I repeat, not, implicated in the murders in any way. He was just trying to protect his top."
Woolsey looked flabbergasted. He gazed at Gibbs, and then looked at Sheppard.
"Is this true, General?" he asked quietly.
"Yes, sir," Sheppard replied. "I only just found out but it's true. I'm sorry – I had no idea Rodney lied about the stargate."
"This is very serious," Woolsey said. "I can't have the IOA thinking we make our own rules out here, just because we're so far away. One of the reasons they sent me here was because there was a good deal of concern about the way things were being run on Atlantis. Lady Elizabeth was an excellent commander but sometimes her reports caused considerable alarm at the IOA. We are still subject to the same rules and regulations as back home, General, and I think *some* of the base personnel have a tendency to forget that at times."
Ducky winced – Woolsey had clearly wanted to address this issue for some time, and now Rodney had handed him General Sheppard's scalp on a plate. Poor Sheppard. Ducky had read some of his mission reports and the man was clearly brave and liked to think on his feet – and he clearly also knew, instinctively, that there were some situations where the rules were no good, and you had to throw them out and go with your gut instead. Ducky suspected that was another reason why Gibbs was so keen to defend Sheppard – that was Gibbs's way of doing things too.
Woolsey though – Woolsey loved rules, and hung onto them like a dying man clinging to a life raft. Ducky could understand that, all too well. He could also see how a man like Sheppard, who had the confidence to make up the rules as he went along, would clash with a man like Woolsey. They were like chalk and cheese, and the fact that Woolsey was an insecure submissive who'd just come out of a long, and, from what Ducky could tell, fairly abusive relationship, and that Sheppard was a charismatic, endlessly self-confident top, didn't help matters.
"I understand all that, Mr Woolsey," Sheppard said. "And I don't intend for Atlantis to be immune from Earth's laws, either. However…back on Earth they don't have to get out of near death situations every other day – there are no Wraith feeding on them, and they aren't strangers in a faraway galaxy. That imposes some different obligations on us, sir."
"Yes, but this is a *murder* investigation, General. We simply can't be seen to be interfering with it. NCIS could make things very difficult for the IOA if they choose."
"We don't choose," Gibbs interrupted. "I can't cover this up, but I'm not making a big deal out of it, either. It was a mistake, and I'm sure John can deal with it without any interference from anyone else."
"Oh no." Woolsey shook his head, realisation glimmering in his eyes. "Oh dear no. That won't do at all. This is a legal matter, Agent Gibbs, and must be dealt with as such. I am happy to hear any mitigation, but if the matter is as it has been presented to me here, then I must order Rodney to the punishment room to accept discipline. I think, from what you've said, that thirty swats with the paddle is the likely sentence."
Ducky winced. Thirty swats with the judicial paddle was a considerable sentence, but it was in line with the nature of the offence and not unduly harsh. It would test the limits of even the most penitent wrongdoer though and leave them in pain for days – if not weeks.
Ducky saw John's mouth set in a hard line and his body shake slightly at the thought of anyone going anywhere near his submissive with a judicial paddle.
"No," he said, in a hoarse, strangled kind of tone. Woolsey looked shocked.
"General, this isn't a matter for negotiation. The rules clearly state that in a matter of this kind…"
"I said, no," John interrupted angrily. Gibbs put a hand on the general's shoulder to calm him down, and Ducky grimaced, wondering if John would be able to keep himself under control. "Nobody touches Rodney but me, and I won't punish him publicly. I know why he did this and it's as much my fault as his. I'll take his swats for him."
"Well, that is your right," Woolsey said, and Ducky couldn't help but think he looked quite pleased at the thought of Sheppard being taken down a peg or two in public.
"See, the thing is," Gibbs interceded, "I don't think it's ever a good idea for a popular commanding officer, who is good at his job, to be disciplined in public for something his sub has done. It's bad for morale – and morale is already very low on Atlantis following the loss of Lady Elizabeth Weir and everyone having to adjust to a new commanding officer, and now, on top of all that, these murders. I think it would be a bad move for the base to see General Sheppard stretched out on the punishment bench – it'd cause a lot of resentment."
Woolsey looked surprised. "I would have thought, Agent Gibbs, that as a law enforcement officer you would want me to do just that – enforce the law," he snapped.
"The law can be a pretty blunt instrument," Gibbs shrugged. "I'm just saying – let John take care of this, on his own, with Rodney. I think you'll have his assurance that he'll deal with it properly and won't shirk his responsibilities – yes, General?"
John's face looked weary and defeated, but he nodded. "I'll do what it takes," he muttered.
"So we have to just rely on his word for it?" Woolsey asked. "When we know that he dotes on his husband and Rodney Sheppard gets away with anything he wants?"
"That's not true!" John protested.
"That's what I've seen since I've been here," Woolsey retorted. John opened his mouth to say something but then visibly slumped. Ducky felt a great sense of pity for the man.
"I've made some mistakes," John admitted. "And, you know, if I have to take thirty swats for that then I will. It's my screw-up. I didn't do something I should have done, a few months ago, and that's come back to bite me."
"Well I'm glad you admit it because personally I think your conduct and that of your sub since I arrived here has been disrespectful and arrogant," Woolsey snapped.
"You haven't given us a damn chance!" Sheppard snapped back. "We lost Elizabeth and it seemed like the IOA was glad about that because you'd been looking for an excuse to replace her for the past couple of years. And then you just swept in here, when we were *grieving*, and started handing out your orders, making it pretty damn clear with each one that you disapproved of her and everything she did here. And the IOA doesn't understand because they're not *here* and they don't live under constant threat of Wraith attack or the million and one other things that happen out here that make it impossible to live by the stupid damn rules you're so keen on."
"That's enough!" Gibbs thundered, looking pretty angry himself, and Ducky decided that he needed to step in before everyone got entrenched in their various positions and nobody was prepared to back down.
"You know…I don't think anything needs to be decided right now," Ducky murmured. "Mr Woolsey – would you be so kind as to share with me some of that excellent whisky you gave me the other evening? I think we could all do with a break from the current situation and a decision can be taken later."
Woolsey looked surprised, but he clearly didn't object to having some time out either, and he nodded to Ducky.
"Of course, Dr Mallard. If you'd care to accompany me to my quarters." He got up, and, without looking at Sheppard, he walked over to the door.
"You two – stay here," Ducky hissed. "And Jethro – do try and calm the general down before he does something we really won't be able to fix."
Gibbs nodded. "Will do, Ducky." He turned back to General Sheppard, who looked as if he was about to implode. At least Ducky was leaving him in safe hands – if anyone could calm down an irate top it was Gibbs.
Ducky followed on behind Woolsey back to the other man's quarters; he wasn't entirely sure what he was going to do but he hoped inspiration would strike.
They got inside, and Woolsey turned to him.
"Thank you, Dr Mallard. That was a heated situation and it was the right thing to break it up at that point. I should have thought of it myself. General Sheppard can be a very intimidating man and…"
"Do you think so? I've always found him quite charming," Ducky said, with a gentle smile. "Now, Richard, why don't you sit down and I'll fetch the drinks." He put a firm hand on Woolsey's shoulder and stroked a couple of times. Woolsey took a deep breath and Ducky felt the tension in his shoulders start to release a little. He went and poured them both a drink and then returned to where Woolsey was still standing, ramrod straight, looking as if he was waiting for someone to tell him what to do.
"I said sit," Ducky said, gentle but commanding all the same. Woolsey sat down immediately. Ducky felt a wave of pity for the man - all he wanted was a good, firm sense of direction, but without it he was just hanging in the wind.
He handed Woolsey the drink, and then sat down opposite him.
"You know…I totally understand your stance on this, Richard," he said. "I know how comforting the rules can be. Without them - well, it's chaos isn't it? Who knows *where* to draw the line?"
"That's exactly it!" Woolsey told him, taking a sip of his drink. Ducky wondered if he'd even noticed he was using his first name.
"I want to tell you a story," Ducky said, sitting back in his chair. "It isn't a story I've ever told to anyone before, Richard, so I want you to treat it with the utmost confidence – can you do that?"
Woolsey blinked, but Ducky noticed that he seemed flattered that he was sharing confidences with him.
"Of course, Dr Mallard."
"Call me Donald," Ducky told him, and Richard nodded, gratefully. "Very well. Once upon a time, quite a long time ago now, there was a young medical student. He fell in love – madly, blindly, deeply - with another medical student, a rich young man from a very good family. The feeling was mutual – both students adored each other and maybe that blinded them to the problems. You see, one of the students, the one from the rich family, was a top, and a controlling top at that. He was prone to jealous rages, and he needed to be in charge all the time. Which might not have been so much of a problem if he'd been with the right sub - but the man he'd chosen, the man he was very much in love with, was a switch."
"Ah." Woolsey sat back in his chair.
This was familiar territory and the stuff of some serious literature over the years. Switches, people who identified as both dominant and submissive, weren't very common, and could be resented by subs and tops alike for not fulfilling the role the other wanted of them.
"You know, I've always thought it isn't an easy life, being a switch," Woolsey murmured. "Do you remember that book that caused all that fuss a few years' ago? 'The Third Wheel: How Society Discriminates Against the Minority Third Part of the Dynamic.' I must admit that until I read that book I'd never given a great deal of thought to how hard being a switch must often be in our society."
"Indeed," Ducky replied, with a little nod of his head, and a wry, sad smile.
"Sorry, Donald. Please continue," Richard said, with a wave of his hand. "Tell me more about your two medical students."
"Well, at first they were so much in love that it didn't matter that they were so mis-matched, but, in time, the switch needed more space and less restrictions than the top was prepared to give him. Eventually, their love turned into something else – something very ugly. The switch lost confidence, as the top insisted that he adhere to a rigid set of rules that were at odds with his very nature. And the top's demands became more and more extreme as he grew into his family's wealth and position – and he wanted a trophy sub to go with it, not a rather vague switch who didn't fit his family's expectations for him."
"It sounds as if this story isn't heading for a happy ending," Woolsey murmured.
"I'm afraid it isn't," Ducky agreed. "This state of affairs went on for a long time – for far too long in fact – many, many years. The top became more abusive, but nobody liked to interfere because of his great wealth and position, and the switch became more and more unhappy. He'd lost his way. He wasn't being himself, and he didn't know how to get out of the situation."
"What happened?" Woolsey leaned forward.
"Well, the switch was lucky. He made friends with a man several years younger than himself, who was just as lost as he was. He was a top who was mourning the loss of his family, who had been the victims of murder. He was grieving, and he couldn't get over what had happened. He felt he'd let his family down by not being able to protect them when they had needed it and he was nursing a self-destructive streak a mile wide as a result. He'd given up his job in the military and taken a new job, where the switch worked, and that's how the switch came to know him.
The switch felt sorry for this unhappy young man, and took him under his wing a little. It helped him to have someone to look after I think. It helped him to express his caring instincts. Maybe it even helped him remember his original inclinations towards being a switch, which he'd had to bury for so long in order to sub for a man who had become his tormentor.
For a very long time this younger man was too full of his own grief to see his friend's plight, but one day he DID see it, and then he became very angry at how badly his friend's top treated him. He saw how it made his friend nervous and anxious, prone to stuttering and always wary and afraid. When he was alone with his friend he saw someone very different, someone much calmer and full of curiosity, with a lively interest in the world around him, and it made him furious to see what his friend's top had done to him."
"What did this young top do?" Woolsey asked.
"Well, I'm rather afraid he took matters into his own hands," Ducky said with a little smile. "That's his nature you see. He *could* have played by the rules, maybe he could have reported what he'd seen to the police, although I doubt that would have worked. Or maybe he could have prevailed upon his friend to eventually leave his abusive top – although his friend was so confused and browbeaten by this point that it’s unlikely he would have succeeded. In any case, our headstrong young top was too impassioned to do either of those things; he saw something was wrong and he tried to right it. They were at a party, and he saw his friend's top scolding him about something, belittling him in public, and he stepped in, and challenged the abusive top to a fight."
In fact, it had been a good deal less civilised than that, Ducky thought. Gibbs had gone roaring in, all guns blazing, and punched Randolph Jordan on the jaw, felling him to the ground. Then he'd grabbed Ducky's arm.
"Do you want to stay with him, Ducky? If so, say so now, otherwise I'm taking his collar off you."
"Jethro…I…" Ducky gazed down at the tall, imposing man at his feet, a man he'd lived with for twenty-five years but long ago stopped loving. Randolph Jordan was thickset, with slick black hair, going silver at the temples, and dark, brooding brown eyes. He was lying on the floor, wiping blood off his jaw, a dazed look in those eyes as he stared up at Gibbs, wondering who the hell had had the audacity to challenge him in public.
"Do you still love him?" Gibbs demanded. "I've seen what he does to you, Ducky. I've seen the bruises on you – don't deny them. I've seen how he turns you into a stuttering idiot whenever he's around and you're not like that when you're with me. Let me set you free."
His hands undid the collar around Ducky's neck then paused, before removing it completely, looking for Ducky's permission. Ducky looked into Gibbs's blue eyes, and nodded.
"Do it. Please," he whispered. Gibbs needed no further urging. He pulled the collar off and threw it on Randolph Jordan, in front of everyone.
"He's free now. Don't bother him again," he snapped.
"I'll have you up on charges," Jordan growled, getting to his feet. "Removing a sub's collar without his permission…"
"He gave me permission – I have witnesses, and he'll stand up in court and say it himself," Gibbs replied.
"He doesn't know his own mind! He never has!" Jordan yelled. "He thought he was a switch when I met him but he's clearly a sub. He can't make a decision to save his life, let alone about something as important as removing his collar!"
"You mean you've beat any kind of opinions and instincts out of him," Gibbs growled. "The man you describe is the man you've made him – not the man I've seen when I've been alone with him. You don't even know him - I bet you never even take the time to talk to him."
"It's none of your business what takes place between a dominant and his submissive," Jordan said, moving towards Ducky. Gibbs put his body between them.
"He's not yours any more," he said.
"He'll always be mine!" Jordan hissed.
"Want to fight me for him?" Gibbs asked dangerously. Ducky flinched. When two tops fought over a sub in the movies it was usually a lot more romantic than this. This just felt raw and ugly. He didn't want anyone fighting for him or getting hurt for him, least of all Gibbs – but then again, he didn't think Randolph would accept the challenge. He was a big man but he was also a bully and a coward, his belly soft from too many big power lunches. Gibbs, by contrast, was lean and tough, his combat instincts recently honed from fighting in Iraq - Ducky had no doubt that Gibbs would win hands down in a fight.
"I wouldn't lower myself," Jordan said loftily, and Ducky noticed the tight grin that played briefly over Gibbs's lips at that. He knew a coward when he saw one. "You hit me!" Jordan fumed, running a disbelieving hand over his bruised, cut jaw. "I'll have you for that. I'll take you to court. I'll pursue you to the ends of the earth, Jethro Gibbs. You're a nobody - and I'll crush you."
"You were abusing him. There isn't a court in the land that'll uphold it. Look."
Ducky was taken by surprise as Gibbs grabbed his shirt and ripped it off his back, and then turned him so that he had his back to the room. A gasp of surprise rippled around as everyone saw his bruised and heavily welted shoulders, the flesh raw and still oozing blood in places.
"You don't whip a sub into oblivion like this for no reason – and damn it, this is Ducky we're talking about – what kind of reason could there be? No, hell, you don't whip a sub like this at all – it's abuse, plain and simple," Gibbs roared, and Ducky wondered how he'd known about the welts, and whether he could have been more careful about not wincing when Jethro was around. The man had eyes like a hawk.
"He's mine," Jordan said, standing up tall, towering over Gibbs, who was sturdy and strong but nowhere near as heavily built as Jordan. "Come with me, Donald." He turned those cold, possessive eyes on Ducky.
"I don't think so," Ducky whispered, finally finding the strength from his friend's actions to stand up to a man he had once loved so passionately and now found he hated with an equal passion. "Randolph, you don't love me. I'm just another possession to you – one you want to control and abuse at will. Our love died a very long time ago."
"You are mine," Randolph fumed, and Ducky could only imagine how humiliating it must be for him to lose his sub in this way, in front of all these people.
"No." Gibbs reached out and ripped a strip out of Ducky's ruined shirt. "He's mine," he said, tying the piece of shirt around Ducky's neck in a makeshift collar. "Agreed, Ducky?" he asked. Ducky nodded, because it felt more right having Gibbs's ragged collar around his neck than all the expensive trinkets Randolph had placed upon him. "Now you can't touch him – he's wearing another top's collar and he wants to be wearing it – that protects him by law," Gibbs said.
"You won't get away with this, Gibbs," Jordan yelled, as Gibbs took hold of Ducky's arm and led him away from the party. "He's mine! I'll take him back and you’ll pay for this. I’ll destroy you! I promise you that, Gibbs. I’ll make you know how it feels to lose a sub you love.”
"Already happened," Gibbs said tersely, and Ducky saw in his eyes the darkness of one who had already suffered the worst and had nothing else left to lose and therefore nothing at all to fear – not even Randolph Jordan with all his power and money. "Already happened," he repeated softly, as he ushered Ducky away.
They reached Gibbs's car and got in, and Gibbs rested his arms on the steering wheel and blew out a long breath, shaking his head ruefully.
"Shit. Look – you can wear my collar as long as you want, Ducky. I’ll get you a proper one tomorrow. I know we're just friends and you know what I've lost and that I'm not looking to take another sub but the collar will protect you from him for as long as you want to wear it."
"Thank you, my dear boy," Ducky said, his voice croaking with emotion.
Gibbs turned in his seat, took hold of his face, and rested his forehead against his. Ducky wrapped his arms around Gibbs's shoulders and felt himself shaking with a whole gamut of emotions. He had been locked up in Randolph's abusive prison for so long that he had no idea what freedom tasted like until this young man had rescued him. He wouldn't let him down. Not now. Not ever.
"It's okay…I've got you now," Gibbs murmured, stroking Ducky softly, taking care of his bruised body. "Christ, Ducky. I couldn't stand by a moment longer and watch him hurt you like that. I can't stand abusive tops and he was the worst kind; thinking that all his money and power meant he could just beat up on you day and night…putting you down all the time. Damn it I want to go back in there and punch him again!"
Ducky made a little sound in the back of his throat at that, and Gibbs squeezed him tight to make it clear he wasn't going anywhere.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you…" Ducky whispered, over and over again, holding on tight to the man who had become his lifeline.
Ducky finished his story and blinked, a little surprised that after all these years he had chosen this man to tell it to. It felt like a release, as if something inside was falling away after a very long time.
"Thank you, Donald," Richard said quietly. "Now, forgive me if I'm being presumptive, but I assume that the top you're talking about, the one who went to the rescue, is Agent Gibbs?"
"That's correct, yes," Ducky said, with a little nod of his head. He took a gulp of his whisky.
"And the switch?" Richard asked, gazing at Ducky earnestly from behind his spectacles.
"The switch was myself," Ducky replied.
"Ah." Richard nodded thoughtfully. "And your purpose in telling me this story?" he asked. Ducky gave a wry smile.
"Well, for some reason I just felt you were the person I wanted to tell. I haven't told it to anyone else in all these years. Gibbs is the only other person who knows it and he won't tell anyone."
Ducky paused and swirled the remainder of his drink around in the glass.
"All the same," he continued. "There was, clearly, a method in my madness, Richard. You see…you remind me a little of myself, back then. You've told me something of what happened with your wife, and I know how I used to feel, when Randolph – my ex – was trying to control me. It can be very confusing emerging from a relationship like that – you don't miss the person but it's hard to be suddenly without the certainties they imposed upon you – and you try and look for those certainties elsewhere. I know I did." He gave a rueful smile.
"I even tried to get Gibbs to provide those certainties for me but he was always straight with me about the fact that I might wear his collar but I was my own man. Gradually, in time, I began to see that this was a kindness on his part – he was giving me room to grow again, to blossom and flourish, and he supported me while I did that, but he would not be another Randolph in my life. I appreciate that now but it was harder at the time. Adjusting is hard."
"Yes," Richard murmured. "It is."
"And it helps to have a friend along the way," Ducky said softly. "And you see, I'd like to be such a friend to you, Richard."
"I'd like that too," the other man said, a little shyly. "Although to be fair, Donald, my relationship with my wife wasn't as bad as the one you describe with this Randolph person. She didn't physically abuse me…"
"But she put you down all the time – publicly as well as privately, didn't she?" Ducky said. "She made you adhere to restrictive rules and punished you relentlessly when you couldn't stick to them. She made you doubt yourself and who you are. You wanted to offer her your devotion and affection but all she wanted was someone to bully," Ducky said softly.
Richard's eyes looked a little glassy behind the spectacles, and he didn't say anything, just dipped his head and gazed at his drink.
Ducky got up and went over to where Richard was sitting. He stood behind him, put his hands on Richard's shoulders, and caressed them gently.
"You're excellent at your job, my dear boy," he said firmly, stroking the entire time. "And you need to have some faith and courage in that. Don't do everything by the book – use your instinct occasionally – it'll be much more reliable."
"I'm not sure what my instincts are any more," Richard admitted, in a broken kind of voice.
"That's because she took them all away from you. If you like…I could help you get back in touch with them?" Ducky suggested gently.
Richard looked up, a hopeful light in his eyes, and Ducky couldn't resist. He leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss on the sub's lips. He hadn't felt this way about someone in a long time but this man's obvious vulnerability and his similarity to Ducky's own situation of many years ago touched him. Richard's lips were soft and open beneath his, and it was just a small kiss but he could feel Richard relax.
The kiss finished and Ducky drew back. "I don't want you to make a decision now, dear boy, but, if you're in agreement, I'd very much like to spend my free evenings with you from now on," he requested. Richard gazed at him, looking more than a little dazed.
"I'd like that too," he admitted at last. "In fact, that would be very nice."
"We could talk…or play," Ducky suggested, never taking his eyes off Richard's face. The other man looked a little panicked.
"It's been awhile for me," he confessed, "Uh, playing I mean. And to be honest, I'm not terribly good…"
Ducky put a finger over his mouth. "It's not a performance contest," he said firmly. "All I'll ask for is your honesty – and we'll take it slowly. I really would enjoy it very much I think and I'd like to think you would enjoy it too."
"I think I would," Richard replied, that shy look back on his face.
"Very well." Ducky nodded. "But for now – we have a situation to resolve. Do you feel as if any of what I've said has helped you in your decision?"
Richard gazed at him for a moment, and then sighed. "I do understand your point, Donald," he said. "I'm not sure if it's the right thing, but I understand it. And…maybe I was being a little vindictive. I hadn't fully appreciated the depth of feeling these people had for Lady Elizabeth and how much they were grieving. I suppose I took it all rather personally – after what happened with my wife and so on. I was feeling a little bruised before I arrived and didn't view the situation as objectively as I could have done."
"Hardly surprising," Ducky commented sympathetically. "Shall we return to your office and see if we can't come to an amicable resolution? It's your command – I have no wish to interfere. I'm sure you'll make the best decision for all concerned."
"Yes." Richard got up, and pulled his shoulders straight as he followed Ducky towards the door. "Yes. We'll do that. And Donald? Thank you."
Ducky turned, and pressed a gentle kiss on Richard's cheek. "You're welcome, my dear boy," he said softly. "Very welcome. I have a feeling that you and I are going to be good for each other."
They returned to Woolsey's office, and Ducky was impressed by the firm set of his friend's shoulders and the look of resolve on his face. They swept into the room to find John Sheppard sitting on a chair, his elbows on his knees, his face set in a grimly fatalistic mask. Gibbs was sitting opposite him, gazing at him. Neither man was talking. They both looked up as Ducky and Woolsey strode in.
"Very well – I've given the matter some thought," Woolsey said, and Ducky felt proud of the way he was conducting himself – he looked more confident than he had seen him since they had arrived. "Agent Gibbs – you're right. It would be bad for morale to discipline General Sheppard publicly. General Sheppard…John." He turned and addressed himself to the other man. "You and I didn't get off to the best start but I'm determined to change that. I know your mission reports inside out – they read better than a James Bond novel," and he flashed a grin in Ducky's direction as he said that. Ducky sent him a delighted grin back in return.
"You're a brave man and a simply outstanding commanding officer. Atlantis is lucky to have you – and I trust you to do the right thing, even if not always in strict accordance with the rules." He gave a wry smile at that. Sheppard looked stunned – he clearly hadn't been expecting this.
"However, Rodney did do something very wrong – and I trust you to deal with it, in the best way you know how. I'll leave the decision as to what that should be up to you, but I have every faith that you'll do what needs to be done. You and Rodney are both suspended for the next four days, and I'm confining you to your quarters during that time. Food will be brought to you. However, this won't go down as a black mark on your service record. Confining you to quarters is as much a punishment as it is a means to help you resolve whatever it is that needs resolving between yourself and your husband – because something clearly does."
Sheppard nodded, looking intensely relieved, then he got to his feet and gave Woolsey a smart salute.
"Thank you," he said, in a heartfelt tone. "And if you don't mind me saying it…that's exactly what Elizabeth would have done."
Woolsey gave a little chuckle. "Then I take it I'm in good company."
"The best," John replied. "I won't forget this, Mr Woolsey."
"Go." Woolsey nodded his head towards the door. Sheppard gave a nod towards Gibbs, and mouthed a 'thank you' at Ducky and then he left, at a run, clearly eager to return to his sub.
Gibbs and Ducky said their own goodbyes to Woolsey, and then Gibbs put his arm around Ducky's shoulder and led him out into the hallway.
"You know, I don't think I tell you often enough how much I love you," Gibbs murmured to Ducky as they walked. Ducky laughed out loud. "Seriously, Duck," Gibbs said, stopping and drawing Ducky towards him so he could look him in the eye. "How the hell did you accomplish that? Woolsey was like a different man when you brought him back."
"Ah well. I told him a story I've never told anyone before," Ducky said softly. "About a young, grieving widower, and the somewhat eccentric medical examiner who befriended him. About how the rules can't cover every situation, and how hard it can be to be who you truly are and not what someone else wants you to be. And I told him about a wealthy, powerful, abusive top, and his terrified submissive; and about how there was a knight in shining armour, and a fight, and a rescue."
Gibbs stared at him, his eyes a particularly luminous shade of blue. "Don't…" he began, in a hoarse voice. Ducky took hold of his face, drew him down, and kissed him gently on the lips.
"And I can never say thank you often enough, so thank you," he whispered.
Gibbs didn't say a thing. He just wrapped his arm around Ducky again, pulling him in close, and they walked back together to their quarters together, side by side, old friends lost in old memories.
~*~
End of Part Eight
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Hiding in Plain Sight: Part Nine
Author: Xanthe
Fandom: SGA/NCIS crossover
Pairings: Gibbs/DiNozzo, John/Rodney, Carson/Caldwell, Teyla/Ronon, Ziva/McGee, and some other pairings that would spoil the story if I revealed them. Gibbs/Ducky friendship.
Rating: NC17 for explicit BDSM sex (m/m slash, femslash and het) and spanking.
Author's Notes
Summary: When a serial killer murders three marines on Atlantis, NCIS are called in to investigate. However, their arrival brings complications for everyone – revealing a lie, a prophecy, a secret and a nemesis.
Part Eight: “You should talk to someone about it, John," Gibbs said, "And I think I’m the closest thing you’ve got to someone who understands you right now.”
Hiding in Plain Sight
By Xanthe
Part Eight
Gibbs watched Rodney go, noticing how he eyed Tony warily as they walked towards the door – there was no love lost between those two but he wasn’t sure why Tony was so antagonistic towards the scientist.
The door closed behind them and Gibbs leaned back in his chair, one hand still on the table. He drummed his fingers on it for a long while, gazing at General Sheppard the entire time. Sheppard gazed back at him, and Gibbs could see by the look in his eyes that he knew how this would go.
“You’ve done this before, haven’t you?” he said. “Taken the rap for him?”
“He’s my sub,” Sheppard replied, as if there was no choice in the matter. Gibbs admired him – he’d met some tops who’d take a public punishment for their subs, but not many.
“Woolsey doesn’t like you,” he said, dispassionately.
“I know.” Sheppard nodded.
“So it’ll likely be bad,” Gibbs continued. Sheppard shrugged.
“Nobody is going to discipline Rodney except me, and I refuse to do it with an audience, and as I’m guessing Woolsey is going to demand an audience then he’ll have to make do with my ass and not Rodney’s,” he said. “It’s my right – and I won’t put Rodney through that again.”
Gibbs wondered what he was referring to when he said 'again' but didn’t press. He thought maybe he’d misjudged this man. The studied air of laziness, and the laid-back manner were deceiving. This man had a dark streak – no wonder Rodney had been so freaked out about them touching him earlier. This was a dominant who played at the top of his game – he loved and protected his sub with a rare passion, but it was a passion that could occasionally spill over into something terrifying. Gibbs understood that – but whereas he could see Sheppard’s rage was red hot when roused, his own tended to be ice cold.
“You’re as good as DiNozzo at hiding who you are,” he murmured, wishing he could sometimes see more of a glimpse of the Tony behind the mask. The Tony who was serious, committed and take charge, and not the Tony who played the fool to throw them all off the scent. Just what was Tony hiding anyway?
“Rodney’s the only one who can handle who I am,” Sheppard replied.
“I can believe that.” Gibbs nodded.
There was silence for a long time. Then Gibbs stopped drumming his fingers on the table and leaned forward.
“What the hell happened to him?” he asked softly. Sheppard’s face tightened, and that dark look returned to his eyes. “Something happened to him,” Gibbs prompted. “Something that’s left you wounded – something you can’t get over. That’s why he tried to protect you, John. That’s why he lied about the stargate glitch. He knows you’re vulnerable right now – and you’ve let him feel that way. You deserve to take the punishment for his screw-up, John Sheppard, because you’re the top here but you haven’t been a proper top to him for awhile, have you? How long has it been?”
Sheppard glared at him.
“A few months I’m guessing. How long since you last took him down? How long since you made the hard decisions – for his sake?”
Sheppard shook his head, mutely.
“You should talk to someone about it, John," Gibbs said, "And I think I’m the closest thing you’ve got to someone who understands you right now.”
He got up, allowing those words to sink in. He walked around the room, musing out loud.
“Having a sub is a huge responsibility and sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to,” he said. “See DiNozzo – he’s a whole heap of trouble, as you accurately identified yourself earlier. I don’t always want to take him down, and sometimes I’m tired or busy or not in the mood – but it always backfires if I don’t. And you…you’d rather indulge your sub than punish him and that’s not like you – it’s not the top you are in your heart. You wouldn’t normally shirk your responsibilities but you have recently and you know you have.”
He leaned against the wall and watched John Sheppard ran long fingers through his untidy dark hair. There was another silence and then Sheppard started talking, and his voice was hoarse, low and defeated.
“I lost him,” he whispered. “We were in this other place…and he fell through a gap, into another universe. He was shot…and I wasn’t there. I wasn’t there.” He looked up, and his eyes were dark with the memory.
Gibbs had a flash of empathy, remembering his commanding officer coming to him, his expression stricken, and giving him Shannon’s blood-stained collar. He hadn’t been there to protect her and she was dead, and so was Kelly, and it had been his responsibility to take care of them. He’d failed them, damn it. He’d failed them and he had to live with that for the rest of his life.
“He was lying there, in a strange world, with nobody who cared about him and I couldn’t do one damn thing to help him,” John murmured. “I couldn’t even go after him because he was dying, and it was draining the lifebond down to nothing and I couldn’t walk, couldn’t *do* anything except lie there and try to keep him alive through the lifebond. I could feel his pain, could feel his life ebbing away and I couldn’t even hold him in my arms. He was so far away. I had to send someone else in my place – someone good, someone I trusted, but not me. I failed him,” he whispered. Gibbs nodded.
“Yes. I understand,” he said, because he did. He understood exactly.
“He could have died – and I would have died too, but we'd have been apart, unable to touch each other one last time. And now…it’s like I’m blocked,” John said. “I can’t tell him that but he feels it. He knows I’m anxious but he doesn’t know why, and I don’t want to lay that on him; he’ll just feel guilty about it. You’re right – I can’t take him down, even when he needs it. Sometimes, when I know he needs it, I try to do it - but all I see is him, lying on the floor with that great big wound in his chest, lying there in a pool of his own blood, all alone, and I can feel him slipping away from me – and I can’t do it. I just can’t do it, any more than I could protect him from being shot.”
“All he knows is that you’re vulnerable right now and he has to protect you,” Gibbs said softly. “So he lied about the stargate glitch, to keep his top from being challenged when he was at his weakest.”
“Yeah.” John nodded, and looked up to meet Gibbs's gaze, his hazel eyes dark. “Yeah, that’s about it. I totally screwed this one up.”
“Yes you did,” Gibbs agreed, briskly, because he didn’t like wallowing in self-pity himself and he wasn’t about to let anyone else do it either – not that John Sheppard looked like the self-pitying type. “But you know what you have to do now.”
“Yes I do. It’ll kill Rodney though – it almost did last time, after Doranda, and this is even worse. He won’t want me to take a punishment for him – he’d rather take it himself but he knows I can’t – I *won’t* - let that happen.”
“I’ll speak to Woolsey,” Gibbs said. “I don’t see there's anything to be gained from you taking a public punishment for this. Whatever needs to happen should take place between you and Rodney – nobody else.”
“Yeah, well, good luck with that.” John gave a wry grin. “Woolsey hates me and has been looking for a way to assert some authority over me since he arrived. He’ll leap at this and won’t let it go.”
“We’ll see,” Gibbs said, having an idea. “You – wait here. I’m going to brief my team and then I’m going to escort you to Woolsey’s office.”
“Okay. I’ll uh…consider myself out-topped,” John muttered, rubbing his chin ruefully. “But then I guess you’re used to that, aren’t you, Agent Gibbs?”
Gibbs shook his head. “You lost your way there for awhile and I can’t say I blame you,” he said, remembering the aftermath of Shannon’s death and the ice cold feeling inside that had made him feel numb and which had never quite faded away. He also remembered how, in that cold, grey year after her death he’d found friendship with a medical examiner. Ducky had brought him lunch when he forgot to eat and had been his friend when everyone else gave him a wide berth, terrified of the dark look in his eyes and the almost tangible streak of self-destruction in his soul. He had lost his way back then, done some things he wasn't proud of, and been out of control a lot of the time. It had helped to have a friend in his time of need - and Ducky had been a true friend when nobody else was interested. He hoped he could be a friend now, to this man in front of him. Even the best tops got it wrong occasionally and he had a gut instinct that John Sheppard was one of the best tops there was.
Gibbs retrieved his subs and returned to their quarters to find Abby and Ducky waiting for them.
“Well, you were right, Abs,” he told her.
She got up and flung her arms around his neck. “Oh Gibbs! I’m so happy! I knew Rodney didn’t do it!” she squealed.
“Well he didn’t murder anyone but he’s sure as hell in a whole heap of other trouble,” Tony said, and Gibbs got the impression his sub was pleased about that. He wished he had more time to get to the bottom of Tony’s issues with Rodney but right now he had more pressing matters to deal with.
“Ducky – I need your help,” he said. Tony had already filled the team in on what was going on, and he re-capped the salient points for Ducky.
“I don’t see what the problem is,” he overheard McGee muttering to Tony. “So Rodney screwed up – someone has to take the rap for it. Why is Gibbs getting involved? Does it matter if the general has to take a public punishment? What's it got to do with us?"
“Well I don’t know, probie – what does it have to do with us?” Tony asked, a withering look on his face. “How do you suppose you’d feel if it was - I don’t know - say a probie covering up for his sister during a murder investigation, and HIS top went to the wall for him? Supposing that top told the director, that there was no way – NO WAY - that he was going to allow his wussy little sub to go through a hard public punishment for his – let’s be honest – massive screw-up. And this meeting between the probie’s top and the director went on, and on, and on - because you see this top was so damn stubborn, and so damn committed to his sub that he wouldn’t give up. So the director either had to allow this probie’s top to take the public punishment in place of the poor little probie, something he was very prepared to do, or she had to let the top take care of the probie’s punishment himself – privately, with discretion, and a huge dollop of comfort after I expect. I wonder how you’d feel then, hmm? Would that make you feel just a little bit more empathy for the situation?”
McGee’s face paled, visibly, and Gibbs winced – clearly McGee had never worked that one out fully before now, and Tony hadn’t exactly sugared it any. Tony was right though – that was exactly what had happened, and that was another reason why he was going to pull out all the stops to get the same result for General Sheppard. Gibbs recognised a kindred top when he saw one, and Sheppard’s determination to take a public and humiliating punishment for his sub reminded him of himself.
“You with me on this one, Ducky?” he asked, and Ducky nodded, eyes blinking behind the spectacles. “You’ve made friends with Woolsey and he trusts you.”
“I’ll do what I can, Jethro but I think you over-estimate our little chat the other night. We got on very well but whether Mr Woolsey listens to me or not is another matter,” Ducky sighed.
“Just give it a try,” Gibbs said. “This is a complex situation and I don’t see any good comes from dealing with it straight by the book.”
“Unfortunately, straight by the book is Woolsey’s style,” Ducky replied.
“A matter like this should be taken care of between a dominant and his sub,” Gibbs said firmly, with a brief glance in McGee’s direction. McGee looked as if he was about to faint at the very memory of the punishment he’d taken that day, and what Gibbs had been prepared to do to keep him out of the public disciplinary room.
“Okay – the rest of you – go over the evidence again. We clearly haven’t caught our killer which means that he – or she – is still out there,” Gibbs told his collared agents. “Get on it and see if you can come up with anything else while Ducky and I take care of this.”
~*~
Ducky walked alongside Gibbs and General Sheppard with a feeling of trepidation in his stomach. He'd do his best, of course, but he hoped Gibbs's faith in him in this instance wasn't misplaced. One late night drink was hardly the stuff of which a solid friendship could be claimed…although, he suspected that that one friendly chat made him the closest thing to a friend that Richard Woolsey had on Atlantis.
John Sheppard had the grim but weary look on his face of a man going to the executioner. Gibbs, meanwhile, one hand on Ducky's shoulder, had that same look of utter determination on his face that he had whenever he was defending one of his own submissives. Ducky found that interesting, and could only assume that Gibbs was identifying more strongly with Sheppard's predicament than he probably should – perhaps as a result of Tim McGee's recent spot of bother over his sister.
Ducky was well aware of Gibbs's feelings on the subject of public punishments – unless they were judicial, and part of the due legal process, Gibbs disliked them intensely. Ducky knew that Gibbs would never allow a sub of his to go through a public punishment, and, as their top, he did of course have the right to submit himself for the punishment on their behalf, as John Sheppard was intending to do here.
Ducky admired both men their stance on the matter. The better option was for the top in question to administer punishment himself, privately, as Gibbs had done with McGee, but that was, technically speaking, wangling one's way around the subject somewhat, and frowned upon by most authorities. It also relied on an element of trust – one had to trust that the sub had been suitably punished without it being witnessed, and most authorities didn't have that kind of trust and didn't want to condone anyone breaking the rules and getting off scot-free either.
It was, all in all, a tricky matter. Woolsey was quite within his rights to order Rodney to be punished and John was within *his* rights, as Rodney's top, to take that punishment in his sub's stead. What John didn't have was any kind of right, whatsoever, to demand that he be allowed to take care of the matter privately - and Ducky wasn't sure on what grounds Woolsey could be prevailed upon to agree to it.
Of course, Gibbs, with five collared subs to his name, took a great risk with his stance – which was one of the reasons he demanded so much of them, Ducky suspected. If Gibbs's five submissives had been unruly and constantly getting themselves into hot water, Gibbs would be presenting himself to the punishment room on a regular basis to take their discipline for them, and Ducky shuddered at the thought of that. The idea of a man like Gibbs having to take swats over a judicial punishment bench was too much to bear – it was wrong on every single level.
Ducky always conducted himself with the utmost decorum to ensure he brought no such shame on his top, and he knew that Gibbs's other submissives tried to do the same – even the predictably naughty Tony tried to keep his behaviour in check for that reason. In fact, Ducky sometimes wondered if Gibbs didn’t spank Tony so regularly just to ensure he stayed grounded and didn’t go off and do something stupid just to get Gibbs’s attention; Tony was an undeniably brilliant agent but he hadn’t stayed anywhere for very long before Gibbs had recruited him for NCIS. His service record was littered with black marks and public disciplinary punishments. Perhaps that sixth sense Gibbs had for lost and wayward subs had made him step in and rescue Tony before he killed himself in pursuit of whatever it was he was hellbent on finding.
Ducky had a similar dislike for the idea of the tall, dark-haired man beside him being publicly punished as well – anyone could see that General Sheppard was a good top who loved his submissive dearly and did his job to the utmost of his capability. If he also had a certain kind of dangerous, wayward charm, that just added to his charisma – although Ducky was willing to bet it had got him into hot water with the authorities in the past. But John Sheppard was his own man and would take the rap for his own mistakes – and those of his sub. Nobody could ever accuse him of being a coward.
It was late but Woolsey was still working in his office – Ducky suspected there was little else to drag the man away from his job. They stepped inside and Gibbs shut the door quietly behind them. Woolsey looked up from his desk, a surprised expression upon his face.
"Trouble, gentlemen?" he asked, his gaze flickering towards Sheppard, and then over to Gibbs's taut-shouldered stance and finally coming to rest on Ducky, to whom he directed the question.
"Well, that depends on how you look at it," Ducky began, intending to start the matter with some finessing. Gibbs had no patience for such an approach though and ploughed straight in with his usual terse directness.
"Yes – trouble," he answered. "Before you ask, we have not found our killer. However, this is by way of a heads up about something I have no choice but to put in my report. Dr Rodney Sheppard lied to you about the status of that stargate glitch that temporarily prevented transport between galaxies. Rodney wanted NCIS to make the trip here on the Daedalus – a journey of around eighteen days, rather than step through the stargate – a journey of a few minutes – in order to give General Sheppard more time to investigate, and hopefully solve, the crimes himself. He acted out of the best – if misguided - motives but it still amounts to interfering with a federal investigation. He is not, and I repeat, not, implicated in the murders in any way. He was just trying to protect his top."
Woolsey looked flabbergasted. He gazed at Gibbs, and then looked at Sheppard.
"Is this true, General?" he asked quietly.
"Yes, sir," Sheppard replied. "I only just found out but it's true. I'm sorry – I had no idea Rodney lied about the stargate."
"This is very serious," Woolsey said. "I can't have the IOA thinking we make our own rules out here, just because we're so far away. One of the reasons they sent me here was because there was a good deal of concern about the way things were being run on Atlantis. Lady Elizabeth was an excellent commander but sometimes her reports caused considerable alarm at the IOA. We are still subject to the same rules and regulations as back home, General, and I think *some* of the base personnel have a tendency to forget that at times."
Ducky winced – Woolsey had clearly wanted to address this issue for some time, and now Rodney had handed him General Sheppard's scalp on a plate. Poor Sheppard. Ducky had read some of his mission reports and the man was clearly brave and liked to think on his feet – and he clearly also knew, instinctively, that there were some situations where the rules were no good, and you had to throw them out and go with your gut instead. Ducky suspected that was another reason why Gibbs was so keen to defend Sheppard – that was Gibbs's way of doing things too.
Woolsey though – Woolsey loved rules, and hung onto them like a dying man clinging to a life raft. Ducky could understand that, all too well. He could also see how a man like Sheppard, who had the confidence to make up the rules as he went along, would clash with a man like Woolsey. They were like chalk and cheese, and the fact that Woolsey was an insecure submissive who'd just come out of a long, and, from what Ducky could tell, fairly abusive relationship, and that Sheppard was a charismatic, endlessly self-confident top, didn't help matters.
"I understand all that, Mr Woolsey," Sheppard said. "And I don't intend for Atlantis to be immune from Earth's laws, either. However…back on Earth they don't have to get out of near death situations every other day – there are no Wraith feeding on them, and they aren't strangers in a faraway galaxy. That imposes some different obligations on us, sir."
"Yes, but this is a *murder* investigation, General. We simply can't be seen to be interfering with it. NCIS could make things very difficult for the IOA if they choose."
"We don't choose," Gibbs interrupted. "I can't cover this up, but I'm not making a big deal out of it, either. It was a mistake, and I'm sure John can deal with it without any interference from anyone else."
"Oh no." Woolsey shook his head, realisation glimmering in his eyes. "Oh dear no. That won't do at all. This is a legal matter, Agent Gibbs, and must be dealt with as such. I am happy to hear any mitigation, but if the matter is as it has been presented to me here, then I must order Rodney to the punishment room to accept discipline. I think, from what you've said, that thirty swats with the paddle is the likely sentence."
Ducky winced. Thirty swats with the judicial paddle was a considerable sentence, but it was in line with the nature of the offence and not unduly harsh. It would test the limits of even the most penitent wrongdoer though and leave them in pain for days – if not weeks.
Ducky saw John's mouth set in a hard line and his body shake slightly at the thought of anyone going anywhere near his submissive with a judicial paddle.
"No," he said, in a hoarse, strangled kind of tone. Woolsey looked shocked.
"General, this isn't a matter for negotiation. The rules clearly state that in a matter of this kind…"
"I said, no," John interrupted angrily. Gibbs put a hand on the general's shoulder to calm him down, and Ducky grimaced, wondering if John would be able to keep himself under control. "Nobody touches Rodney but me, and I won't punish him publicly. I know why he did this and it's as much my fault as his. I'll take his swats for him."
"Well, that is your right," Woolsey said, and Ducky couldn't help but think he looked quite pleased at the thought of Sheppard being taken down a peg or two in public.
"See, the thing is," Gibbs interceded, "I don't think it's ever a good idea for a popular commanding officer, who is good at his job, to be disciplined in public for something his sub has done. It's bad for morale – and morale is already very low on Atlantis following the loss of Lady Elizabeth Weir and everyone having to adjust to a new commanding officer, and now, on top of all that, these murders. I think it would be a bad move for the base to see General Sheppard stretched out on the punishment bench – it'd cause a lot of resentment."
Woolsey looked surprised. "I would have thought, Agent Gibbs, that as a law enforcement officer you would want me to do just that – enforce the law," he snapped.
"The law can be a pretty blunt instrument," Gibbs shrugged. "I'm just saying – let John take care of this, on his own, with Rodney. I think you'll have his assurance that he'll deal with it properly and won't shirk his responsibilities – yes, General?"
John's face looked weary and defeated, but he nodded. "I'll do what it takes," he muttered.
"So we have to just rely on his word for it?" Woolsey asked. "When we know that he dotes on his husband and Rodney Sheppard gets away with anything he wants?"
"That's not true!" John protested.
"That's what I've seen since I've been here," Woolsey retorted. John opened his mouth to say something but then visibly slumped. Ducky felt a great sense of pity for the man.
"I've made some mistakes," John admitted. "And, you know, if I have to take thirty swats for that then I will. It's my screw-up. I didn't do something I should have done, a few months ago, and that's come back to bite me."
"Well I'm glad you admit it because personally I think your conduct and that of your sub since I arrived here has been disrespectful and arrogant," Woolsey snapped.
"You haven't given us a damn chance!" Sheppard snapped back. "We lost Elizabeth and it seemed like the IOA was glad about that because you'd been looking for an excuse to replace her for the past couple of years. And then you just swept in here, when we were *grieving*, and started handing out your orders, making it pretty damn clear with each one that you disapproved of her and everything she did here. And the IOA doesn't understand because they're not *here* and they don't live under constant threat of Wraith attack or the million and one other things that happen out here that make it impossible to live by the stupid damn rules you're so keen on."
"That's enough!" Gibbs thundered, looking pretty angry himself, and Ducky decided that he needed to step in before everyone got entrenched in their various positions and nobody was prepared to back down.
"You know…I don't think anything needs to be decided right now," Ducky murmured. "Mr Woolsey – would you be so kind as to share with me some of that excellent whisky you gave me the other evening? I think we could all do with a break from the current situation and a decision can be taken later."
Woolsey looked surprised, but he clearly didn't object to having some time out either, and he nodded to Ducky.
"Of course, Dr Mallard. If you'd care to accompany me to my quarters." He got up, and, without looking at Sheppard, he walked over to the door.
"You two – stay here," Ducky hissed. "And Jethro – do try and calm the general down before he does something we really won't be able to fix."
Gibbs nodded. "Will do, Ducky." He turned back to General Sheppard, who looked as if he was about to implode. At least Ducky was leaving him in safe hands – if anyone could calm down an irate top it was Gibbs.
Ducky followed on behind Woolsey back to the other man's quarters; he wasn't entirely sure what he was going to do but he hoped inspiration would strike.
They got inside, and Woolsey turned to him.
"Thank you, Dr Mallard. That was a heated situation and it was the right thing to break it up at that point. I should have thought of it myself. General Sheppard can be a very intimidating man and…"
"Do you think so? I've always found him quite charming," Ducky said, with a gentle smile. "Now, Richard, why don't you sit down and I'll fetch the drinks." He put a firm hand on Woolsey's shoulder and stroked a couple of times. Woolsey took a deep breath and Ducky felt the tension in his shoulders start to release a little. He went and poured them both a drink and then returned to where Woolsey was still standing, ramrod straight, looking as if he was waiting for someone to tell him what to do.
"I said sit," Ducky said, gentle but commanding all the same. Woolsey sat down immediately. Ducky felt a wave of pity for the man - all he wanted was a good, firm sense of direction, but without it he was just hanging in the wind.
He handed Woolsey the drink, and then sat down opposite him.
"You know…I totally understand your stance on this, Richard," he said. "I know how comforting the rules can be. Without them - well, it's chaos isn't it? Who knows *where* to draw the line?"
"That's exactly it!" Woolsey told him, taking a sip of his drink. Ducky wondered if he'd even noticed he was using his first name.
"I want to tell you a story," Ducky said, sitting back in his chair. "It isn't a story I've ever told to anyone before, Richard, so I want you to treat it with the utmost confidence – can you do that?"
Woolsey blinked, but Ducky noticed that he seemed flattered that he was sharing confidences with him.
"Of course, Dr Mallard."
"Call me Donald," Ducky told him, and Richard nodded, gratefully. "Very well. Once upon a time, quite a long time ago now, there was a young medical student. He fell in love – madly, blindly, deeply - with another medical student, a rich young man from a very good family. The feeling was mutual – both students adored each other and maybe that blinded them to the problems. You see, one of the students, the one from the rich family, was a top, and a controlling top at that. He was prone to jealous rages, and he needed to be in charge all the time. Which might not have been so much of a problem if he'd been with the right sub - but the man he'd chosen, the man he was very much in love with, was a switch."
"Ah." Woolsey sat back in his chair.
This was familiar territory and the stuff of some serious literature over the years. Switches, people who identified as both dominant and submissive, weren't very common, and could be resented by subs and tops alike for not fulfilling the role the other wanted of them.
"You know, I've always thought it isn't an easy life, being a switch," Woolsey murmured. "Do you remember that book that caused all that fuss a few years' ago? 'The Third Wheel: How Society Discriminates Against the Minority Third Part of the Dynamic.' I must admit that until I read that book I'd never given a great deal of thought to how hard being a switch must often be in our society."
"Indeed," Ducky replied, with a little nod of his head, and a wry, sad smile.
"Sorry, Donald. Please continue," Richard said, with a wave of his hand. "Tell me more about your two medical students."
"Well, at first they were so much in love that it didn't matter that they were so mis-matched, but, in time, the switch needed more space and less restrictions than the top was prepared to give him. Eventually, their love turned into something else – something very ugly. The switch lost confidence, as the top insisted that he adhere to a rigid set of rules that were at odds with his very nature. And the top's demands became more and more extreme as he grew into his family's wealth and position – and he wanted a trophy sub to go with it, not a rather vague switch who didn't fit his family's expectations for him."
"It sounds as if this story isn't heading for a happy ending," Woolsey murmured.
"I'm afraid it isn't," Ducky agreed. "This state of affairs went on for a long time – for far too long in fact – many, many years. The top became more abusive, but nobody liked to interfere because of his great wealth and position, and the switch became more and more unhappy. He'd lost his way. He wasn't being himself, and he didn't know how to get out of the situation."
"What happened?" Woolsey leaned forward.
"Well, the switch was lucky. He made friends with a man several years younger than himself, who was just as lost as he was. He was a top who was mourning the loss of his family, who had been the victims of murder. He was grieving, and he couldn't get over what had happened. He felt he'd let his family down by not being able to protect them when they had needed it and he was nursing a self-destructive streak a mile wide as a result. He'd given up his job in the military and taken a new job, where the switch worked, and that's how the switch came to know him.
The switch felt sorry for this unhappy young man, and took him under his wing a little. It helped him to have someone to look after I think. It helped him to express his caring instincts. Maybe it even helped him remember his original inclinations towards being a switch, which he'd had to bury for so long in order to sub for a man who had become his tormentor.
For a very long time this younger man was too full of his own grief to see his friend's plight, but one day he DID see it, and then he became very angry at how badly his friend's top treated him. He saw how it made his friend nervous and anxious, prone to stuttering and always wary and afraid. When he was alone with his friend he saw someone very different, someone much calmer and full of curiosity, with a lively interest in the world around him, and it made him furious to see what his friend's top had done to him."
"What did this young top do?" Woolsey asked.
"Well, I'm rather afraid he took matters into his own hands," Ducky said with a little smile. "That's his nature you see. He *could* have played by the rules, maybe he could have reported what he'd seen to the police, although I doubt that would have worked. Or maybe he could have prevailed upon his friend to eventually leave his abusive top – although his friend was so confused and browbeaten by this point that it’s unlikely he would have succeeded. In any case, our headstrong young top was too impassioned to do either of those things; he saw something was wrong and he tried to right it. They were at a party, and he saw his friend's top scolding him about something, belittling him in public, and he stepped in, and challenged the abusive top to a fight."
In fact, it had been a good deal less civilised than that, Ducky thought. Gibbs had gone roaring in, all guns blazing, and punched Randolph Jordan on the jaw, felling him to the ground. Then he'd grabbed Ducky's arm.
"Do you want to stay with him, Ducky? If so, say so now, otherwise I'm taking his collar off you."
"Jethro…I…" Ducky gazed down at the tall, imposing man at his feet, a man he'd lived with for twenty-five years but long ago stopped loving. Randolph Jordan was thickset, with slick black hair, going silver at the temples, and dark, brooding brown eyes. He was lying on the floor, wiping blood off his jaw, a dazed look in those eyes as he stared up at Gibbs, wondering who the hell had had the audacity to challenge him in public.
"Do you still love him?" Gibbs demanded. "I've seen what he does to you, Ducky. I've seen the bruises on you – don't deny them. I've seen how he turns you into a stuttering idiot whenever he's around and you're not like that when you're with me. Let me set you free."
His hands undid the collar around Ducky's neck then paused, before removing it completely, looking for Ducky's permission. Ducky looked into Gibbs's blue eyes, and nodded.
"Do it. Please," he whispered. Gibbs needed no further urging. He pulled the collar off and threw it on Randolph Jordan, in front of everyone.
"He's free now. Don't bother him again," he snapped.
"I'll have you up on charges," Jordan growled, getting to his feet. "Removing a sub's collar without his permission…"
"He gave me permission – I have witnesses, and he'll stand up in court and say it himself," Gibbs replied.
"He doesn't know his own mind! He never has!" Jordan yelled. "He thought he was a switch when I met him but he's clearly a sub. He can't make a decision to save his life, let alone about something as important as removing his collar!"
"You mean you've beat any kind of opinions and instincts out of him," Gibbs growled. "The man you describe is the man you've made him – not the man I've seen when I've been alone with him. You don't even know him - I bet you never even take the time to talk to him."
"It's none of your business what takes place between a dominant and his submissive," Jordan said, moving towards Ducky. Gibbs put his body between them.
"He's not yours any more," he said.
"He'll always be mine!" Jordan hissed.
"Want to fight me for him?" Gibbs asked dangerously. Ducky flinched. When two tops fought over a sub in the movies it was usually a lot more romantic than this. This just felt raw and ugly. He didn't want anyone fighting for him or getting hurt for him, least of all Gibbs – but then again, he didn't think Randolph would accept the challenge. He was a big man but he was also a bully and a coward, his belly soft from too many big power lunches. Gibbs, by contrast, was lean and tough, his combat instincts recently honed from fighting in Iraq - Ducky had no doubt that Gibbs would win hands down in a fight.
"I wouldn't lower myself," Jordan said loftily, and Ducky noticed the tight grin that played briefly over Gibbs's lips at that. He knew a coward when he saw one. "You hit me!" Jordan fumed, running a disbelieving hand over his bruised, cut jaw. "I'll have you for that. I'll take you to court. I'll pursue you to the ends of the earth, Jethro Gibbs. You're a nobody - and I'll crush you."
"You were abusing him. There isn't a court in the land that'll uphold it. Look."
Ducky was taken by surprise as Gibbs grabbed his shirt and ripped it off his back, and then turned him so that he had his back to the room. A gasp of surprise rippled around as everyone saw his bruised and heavily welted shoulders, the flesh raw and still oozing blood in places.
"You don't whip a sub into oblivion like this for no reason – and damn it, this is Ducky we're talking about – what kind of reason could there be? No, hell, you don't whip a sub like this at all – it's abuse, plain and simple," Gibbs roared, and Ducky wondered how he'd known about the welts, and whether he could have been more careful about not wincing when Jethro was around. The man had eyes like a hawk.
"He's mine," Jordan said, standing up tall, towering over Gibbs, who was sturdy and strong but nowhere near as heavily built as Jordan. "Come with me, Donald." He turned those cold, possessive eyes on Ducky.
"I don't think so," Ducky whispered, finally finding the strength from his friend's actions to stand up to a man he had once loved so passionately and now found he hated with an equal passion. "Randolph, you don't love me. I'm just another possession to you – one you want to control and abuse at will. Our love died a very long time ago."
"You are mine," Randolph fumed, and Ducky could only imagine how humiliating it must be for him to lose his sub in this way, in front of all these people.
"No." Gibbs reached out and ripped a strip out of Ducky's ruined shirt. "He's mine," he said, tying the piece of shirt around Ducky's neck in a makeshift collar. "Agreed, Ducky?" he asked. Ducky nodded, because it felt more right having Gibbs's ragged collar around his neck than all the expensive trinkets Randolph had placed upon him. "Now you can't touch him – he's wearing another top's collar and he wants to be wearing it – that protects him by law," Gibbs said.
"You won't get away with this, Gibbs," Jordan yelled, as Gibbs took hold of Ducky's arm and led him away from the party. "He's mine! I'll take him back and you’ll pay for this. I’ll destroy you! I promise you that, Gibbs. I’ll make you know how it feels to lose a sub you love.”
"Already happened," Gibbs said tersely, and Ducky saw in his eyes the darkness of one who had already suffered the worst and had nothing else left to lose and therefore nothing at all to fear – not even Randolph Jordan with all his power and money. "Already happened," he repeated softly, as he ushered Ducky away.
They reached Gibbs's car and got in, and Gibbs rested his arms on the steering wheel and blew out a long breath, shaking his head ruefully.
"Shit. Look – you can wear my collar as long as you want, Ducky. I’ll get you a proper one tomorrow. I know we're just friends and you know what I've lost and that I'm not looking to take another sub but the collar will protect you from him for as long as you want to wear it."
"Thank you, my dear boy," Ducky said, his voice croaking with emotion.
Gibbs turned in his seat, took hold of his face, and rested his forehead against his. Ducky wrapped his arms around Gibbs's shoulders and felt himself shaking with a whole gamut of emotions. He had been locked up in Randolph's abusive prison for so long that he had no idea what freedom tasted like until this young man had rescued him. He wouldn't let him down. Not now. Not ever.
"It's okay…I've got you now," Gibbs murmured, stroking Ducky softly, taking care of his bruised body. "Christ, Ducky. I couldn't stand by a moment longer and watch him hurt you like that. I can't stand abusive tops and he was the worst kind; thinking that all his money and power meant he could just beat up on you day and night…putting you down all the time. Damn it I want to go back in there and punch him again!"
Ducky made a little sound in the back of his throat at that, and Gibbs squeezed him tight to make it clear he wasn't going anywhere.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you…" Ducky whispered, over and over again, holding on tight to the man who had become his lifeline.
Ducky finished his story and blinked, a little surprised that after all these years he had chosen this man to tell it to. It felt like a release, as if something inside was falling away after a very long time.
"Thank you, Donald," Richard said quietly. "Now, forgive me if I'm being presumptive, but I assume that the top you're talking about, the one who went to the rescue, is Agent Gibbs?"
"That's correct, yes," Ducky said, with a little nod of his head. He took a gulp of his whisky.
"And the switch?" Richard asked, gazing at Ducky earnestly from behind his spectacles.
"The switch was myself," Ducky replied.
"Ah." Richard nodded thoughtfully. "And your purpose in telling me this story?" he asked. Ducky gave a wry smile.
"Well, for some reason I just felt you were the person I wanted to tell. I haven't told it to anyone else in all these years. Gibbs is the only other person who knows it and he won't tell anyone."
Ducky paused and swirled the remainder of his drink around in the glass.
"All the same," he continued. "There was, clearly, a method in my madness, Richard. You see…you remind me a little of myself, back then. You've told me something of what happened with your wife, and I know how I used to feel, when Randolph – my ex – was trying to control me. It can be very confusing emerging from a relationship like that – you don't miss the person but it's hard to be suddenly without the certainties they imposed upon you – and you try and look for those certainties elsewhere. I know I did." He gave a rueful smile.
"I even tried to get Gibbs to provide those certainties for me but he was always straight with me about the fact that I might wear his collar but I was my own man. Gradually, in time, I began to see that this was a kindness on his part – he was giving me room to grow again, to blossom and flourish, and he supported me while I did that, but he would not be another Randolph in my life. I appreciate that now but it was harder at the time. Adjusting is hard."
"Yes," Richard murmured. "It is."
"And it helps to have a friend along the way," Ducky said softly. "And you see, I'd like to be such a friend to you, Richard."
"I'd like that too," the other man said, a little shyly. "Although to be fair, Donald, my relationship with my wife wasn't as bad as the one you describe with this Randolph person. She didn't physically abuse me…"
"But she put you down all the time – publicly as well as privately, didn't she?" Ducky said. "She made you adhere to restrictive rules and punished you relentlessly when you couldn't stick to them. She made you doubt yourself and who you are. You wanted to offer her your devotion and affection but all she wanted was someone to bully," Ducky said softly.
Richard's eyes looked a little glassy behind the spectacles, and he didn't say anything, just dipped his head and gazed at his drink.
Ducky got up and went over to where Richard was sitting. He stood behind him, put his hands on Richard's shoulders, and caressed them gently.
"You're excellent at your job, my dear boy," he said firmly, stroking the entire time. "And you need to have some faith and courage in that. Don't do everything by the book – use your instinct occasionally – it'll be much more reliable."
"I'm not sure what my instincts are any more," Richard admitted, in a broken kind of voice.
"That's because she took them all away from you. If you like…I could help you get back in touch with them?" Ducky suggested gently.
Richard looked up, a hopeful light in his eyes, and Ducky couldn't resist. He leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss on the sub's lips. He hadn't felt this way about someone in a long time but this man's obvious vulnerability and his similarity to Ducky's own situation of many years ago touched him. Richard's lips were soft and open beneath his, and it was just a small kiss but he could feel Richard relax.
The kiss finished and Ducky drew back. "I don't want you to make a decision now, dear boy, but, if you're in agreement, I'd very much like to spend my free evenings with you from now on," he requested. Richard gazed at him, looking more than a little dazed.
"I'd like that too," he admitted at last. "In fact, that would be very nice."
"We could talk…or play," Ducky suggested, never taking his eyes off Richard's face. The other man looked a little panicked.
"It's been awhile for me," he confessed, "Uh, playing I mean. And to be honest, I'm not terribly good…"
Ducky put a finger over his mouth. "It's not a performance contest," he said firmly. "All I'll ask for is your honesty – and we'll take it slowly. I really would enjoy it very much I think and I'd like to think you would enjoy it too."
"I think I would," Richard replied, that shy look back on his face.
"Very well." Ducky nodded. "But for now – we have a situation to resolve. Do you feel as if any of what I've said has helped you in your decision?"
Richard gazed at him for a moment, and then sighed. "I do understand your point, Donald," he said. "I'm not sure if it's the right thing, but I understand it. And…maybe I was being a little vindictive. I hadn't fully appreciated the depth of feeling these people had for Lady Elizabeth and how much they were grieving. I suppose I took it all rather personally – after what happened with my wife and so on. I was feeling a little bruised before I arrived and didn't view the situation as objectively as I could have done."
"Hardly surprising," Ducky commented sympathetically. "Shall we return to your office and see if we can't come to an amicable resolution? It's your command – I have no wish to interfere. I'm sure you'll make the best decision for all concerned."
"Yes." Richard got up, and pulled his shoulders straight as he followed Ducky towards the door. "Yes. We'll do that. And Donald? Thank you."
Ducky turned, and pressed a gentle kiss on Richard's cheek. "You're welcome, my dear boy," he said softly. "Very welcome. I have a feeling that you and I are going to be good for each other."
They returned to Woolsey's office, and Ducky was impressed by the firm set of his friend's shoulders and the look of resolve on his face. They swept into the room to find John Sheppard sitting on a chair, his elbows on his knees, his face set in a grimly fatalistic mask. Gibbs was sitting opposite him, gazing at him. Neither man was talking. They both looked up as Ducky and Woolsey strode in.
"Very well – I've given the matter some thought," Woolsey said, and Ducky felt proud of the way he was conducting himself – he looked more confident than he had seen him since they had arrived. "Agent Gibbs – you're right. It would be bad for morale to discipline General Sheppard publicly. General Sheppard…John." He turned and addressed himself to the other man. "You and I didn't get off to the best start but I'm determined to change that. I know your mission reports inside out – they read better than a James Bond novel," and he flashed a grin in Ducky's direction as he said that. Ducky sent him a delighted grin back in return.
"You're a brave man and a simply outstanding commanding officer. Atlantis is lucky to have you – and I trust you to do the right thing, even if not always in strict accordance with the rules." He gave a wry smile at that. Sheppard looked stunned – he clearly hadn't been expecting this.
"However, Rodney did do something very wrong – and I trust you to deal with it, in the best way you know how. I'll leave the decision as to what that should be up to you, but I have every faith that you'll do what needs to be done. You and Rodney are both suspended for the next four days, and I'm confining you to your quarters during that time. Food will be brought to you. However, this won't go down as a black mark on your service record. Confining you to quarters is as much a punishment as it is a means to help you resolve whatever it is that needs resolving between yourself and your husband – because something clearly does."
Sheppard nodded, looking intensely relieved, then he got to his feet and gave Woolsey a smart salute.
"Thank you," he said, in a heartfelt tone. "And if you don't mind me saying it…that's exactly what Elizabeth would have done."
Woolsey gave a little chuckle. "Then I take it I'm in good company."
"The best," John replied. "I won't forget this, Mr Woolsey."
"Go." Woolsey nodded his head towards the door. Sheppard gave a nod towards Gibbs, and mouthed a 'thank you' at Ducky and then he left, at a run, clearly eager to return to his sub.
Gibbs and Ducky said their own goodbyes to Woolsey, and then Gibbs put his arm around Ducky's shoulder and led him out into the hallway.
"You know, I don't think I tell you often enough how much I love you," Gibbs murmured to Ducky as they walked. Ducky laughed out loud. "Seriously, Duck," Gibbs said, stopping and drawing Ducky towards him so he could look him in the eye. "How the hell did you accomplish that? Woolsey was like a different man when you brought him back."
"Ah well. I told him a story I've never told anyone before," Ducky said softly. "About a young, grieving widower, and the somewhat eccentric medical examiner who befriended him. About how the rules can't cover every situation, and how hard it can be to be who you truly are and not what someone else wants you to be. And I told him about a wealthy, powerful, abusive top, and his terrified submissive; and about how there was a knight in shining armour, and a fight, and a rescue."
Gibbs stared at him, his eyes a particularly luminous shade of blue. "Don't…" he began, in a hoarse voice. Ducky took hold of his face, drew him down, and kissed him gently on the lips.
"And I can never say thank you often enough, so thank you," he whispered.
Gibbs didn't say a thing. He just wrapped his arm around Ducky again, pulling him in close, and they walked back together to their quarters together, side by side, old friends lost in old memories.
~*~
End of Part Eight
Friendly feedback adored!
Hiding in Plain Sight: Part Nine
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
on Oct. 22nd, 2008 06:43 am (UTC)and I love the detail that gibbs uses Ducky's shirt as a collar.
(and we find out the backstory...hun that was awesome!)
no subject
on Oct. 22nd, 2008 08:44 am (UTC)no subject
on Oct. 22nd, 2008 08:19 am (UTC)I'm up way too late... but oh well.
I had this epiphany as Ducky wrapped up is wonderful back story...
Ducky was Gibbs' first "rescue sub" and as it was worded, Gibbs gives them room to grow the way they need to. That works fine and dandy with all his other subs, but Tony. Gibbs is treating him with the room to grow mindset and Tony doesn't want to grow out on his own... Talk about crossed wires...
But I'm happy for the Woolsey/Ducky angle. I really, really like it...
no subject
on Oct. 22nd, 2008 08:49 am (UTC)I found Woolsey/Ducky to be an incredibly satisfying pairing. I squeed a bit to myself when I realised that's what I'd do with them.
Sorry about the interruption!
no subject
on Oct. 22nd, 2008 11:00 am (UTC)Oh poor John and how he's been blocked. He's so afraid of losing Rodney and he's let his toppiness lapse. That conversation on the pier in the Part 1 opening) about him being "laid back and casual" (and I think "lax" was kind of implied there too) has so much more depth now. I love how you hint at those things, build on and resolve them all.
The same goes for Ducky and Woolsey! I am so happy that they are going to play. They are perfect together because Ducky being a switch probably needs to stay away from extreme types, for tops, like his ex, or say, Tony, as an example of the kind of sub I mean, and Woolsey is such a gentle person too. I was really very intrigued about Ducky's dynamic identification. The thought did cross my mind several times he might be a switch, but then I kept saying "No" to myself because most of the evidence pointed to the subbier side. And then I was mentally asking the story again, a split nano-second before tony asked him if he was a sub! (Forgot to mention that in the last part!). They kind of remind me of Donald and Walter's tailor from 24/7, or perhaps omg, I forgot their names - Fox's drinking buddy friend with Walter's 'Nam buddy-doctor friend who are much more in the mild mannered-area of the range in the lifestyle!
Oh man, that was straight-for-the-jugular!Tony with his little Probie story! Poor Tim! But so inspired as a very canon!Tony thing to do! Wow!
Oh I so loved Ducky's story and I loved how you smoothly segued from the hypothetical to using direct speech - very nicely done! You pulled it off beautifully! and it wasn't hard to still believe Ducky had continued on in the hypothetical to Woolsey, when you shifted to their discussion of the story! Does that all make sense?
I cheered at Woolsey's decision - not so much for John's sake (but yes, that too of course) but for Ducky taking the risk of sharing something very private with him and Woolsey using that information to mete out a just sentence.
no subject
on Oct. 22nd, 2008 04:23 pm (UTC)I'm so glad you liked the Ducky story because I just loved doing that bit. You're SO right about Ducky staying away from extreme types!
And yeah - I did hope people wouldn't think I'd just got the characterisation of General!John wrong! There was a method to it! Hee!
Thanks for your great comments - as always!
no subject
on Oct. 22nd, 2008 11:38 am (UTC)Aww! That was a wonderful scene between Ducky and Richard. I had a feeling Ducky was a switch.
no subject
on Oct. 22nd, 2008 04:26 pm (UTC)no subject
on Oct. 22nd, 2008 12:27 pm (UTC)no subject
on Oct. 22nd, 2008 04:50 pm (UTC)no subject
on Oct. 22nd, 2008 12:52 pm (UTC)I am so glad that Gibbs was able to rescue him from such an abusive relationship, and that Ducky was able to help a broken Gibbs through his time of loss. A true friendship.
I loved the chat between John and Gibbs, and the way Gibbs helped John see that he had been neglecting his and Rodney's relationship. He did it with such respect and understanding.
Oh dear, Rodney is in BIG trouble.
no subject
on Oct. 22nd, 2008 04:28 pm (UTC)And yes, Rodney is definitely in BIG trouble. Poor boy!
no subject
on Oct. 22nd, 2008 01:25 pm (UTC)no subject
on Oct. 22nd, 2008 04:31 pm (UTC)no subject
on Oct. 22nd, 2008 03:17 pm (UTC)Ah ha! Ducky and Woolsey, sitting in a tree.... was that childish? I thought so.
Poor Rodney and John! Rodney so needing to protect John after what happened in our 'verse/the Genii 'verse that he was willing to lie to Woosley knowing how much John hates lies! And John being so willing to take the punishment for him!
Yay for John taking some of Rodney's cut and I LOVED DiNozzo's reaction. "wow" (That would have been my reaction too!
Wonderful chapter!
no subject
on Oct. 22nd, 2008 03:22 pm (UTC)looking forward to what comes next!
*runs off*
(no subject)
Posted by(no subject)
Posted byno subject
on Oct. 22nd, 2008 04:43 pm (UTC)no subject
on Oct. 22nd, 2008 04:45 pm (UTC)no subject
on Oct. 22nd, 2008 05:27 pm (UTC)Tony's defense of Gibbs trying to prevent public punishment and Tim's realisation was interesting. I don't think Tony dislikes Rodney, he is just jealous of what he has with John.
no subject
on Oct. 22nd, 2008 07:45 pm (UTC)Hiding in Plain Sight: Part Eight
on Oct. 22nd, 2008 08:02 pm (UTC)The Gibbs/John interaction is amazing. I love the fact that Gibbs sees the problem and works with John to take steps to correct it. Gibbs didn't actually share his (similar) pain with John, but they certainly bonded over it anyway. Poor John...I can't believe that this has been undermining him ever since their return from *our* universe. :( And what it's done to Rodney - it's left him without direction and trying to stay afloat on his own. Very sad. :(
Love, love, love Ducky and that he shares his story with Woolsey. Love that he goes a long way to helping Woolsey work out the problems he's had since arriving on Atlantis. Love that Ducky helps Woolsey see how to resolve the current dilemma in the most reasonable way - albeit not in the direct letter of the law. Love, love, love that they're going to start a relationship. (Even though I was wrong about Ducky being a *top* - I never even thought about a *switch* as they're so rare...I really thought you'd get these two together, and YAY!!).
You know, one of the things about McGee is that he really doesn't see the big picture a lot of the time, or follow something to its logical conclusion. Tony may have been a little harsh, but McGee really needed to have that spelled out for him. He needed to realize just how relevant to him it really was. I was afraid that Gibbs would correct Tony for it, but I'm glad the he saw it as necessary.
So...love all around for this part - oh, yes.
Thanks so much, sweetie!!
*hugs you tight*
♥
Re: Hiding in Plain Sight: Part Eight
on Oct. 22nd, 2008 08:09 pm (UTC)I loved doing the Ducky bit so I'm glad that worked for you. I have so much Ducky love *g*.
Anita
on Oct. 22nd, 2008 08:15 pm (UTC)You already had my respect for writing the incredible "27/7 series" (which, thank goodness, I CAN read because I saved the zip filed story before the whole 'unable to acsess site' thingy) and "Coming home" and "General and Dr Sheppard"...this is once again just amazing.
Keep on writing!!
ps: did Ducky write that book Woolsey mentions? *g*
Re: Anita
on Oct. 22nd, 2008 08:24 pm (UTC)no subject
on Oct. 22nd, 2008 08:49 pm (UTC)Thanks a lot for sharing those fic. *takeadeepbowforyou*
no subject
on Oct. 23rd, 2008 06:19 am (UTC)no subject
on Oct. 22nd, 2008 09:01 pm (UTC)no subject
on Oct. 23rd, 2008 06:20 am (UTC)no subject
on Oct. 22nd, 2008 09:41 pm (UTC)Poor Ducky. It makes perfect sense that he was a switch all along - not that I guessed or anything, but it explains why Tony was confused. I love the way you have assigned each character - it seems so right to me. I have read sub!John stories, and I have seen many comments that exclaim that they could never envisage Rodney as a sub. To me it seems that you see his arrogance and domineering in his job and understand his vulnerability and need to switch off that busy brain. John needs the extra confidence that goes with the top role. In your universe both have room to be themselves both professionally and privately - something they lack in canon. Oh - and can I say that my mind went on a little walkabout wondering about James Bond's orientation? I reckon uber-switch! He can totally be the perfect sub and yet also be a top of strength - ooh how does M (Judi Dench) punish him? ... (mind wanders off again...) oh yeah - part nine! Yay!
no subject
on Oct. 23rd, 2008 06:29 am (UTC)A friend of mine has a great theory about James Bond - that he wears two collars - one is M's and one is the Queen's - that's what the "double 0" refers to *g*. I think he's a sub actually - or at least Daniel Craig's version is. A very strong and wilful sub but very well trained to be the perfect operative. And M clearly punishes him. Regularly!
(no subject)
Posted byno subject
on Oct. 22nd, 2008 10:05 pm (UTC)no subject
on Oct. 23rd, 2008 06:31 am (UTC)no subject
on Oct. 22nd, 2008 10:07 pm (UTC)I think this has become my favourite line so far.
Another lovely, lovely chapter. Ducky completely won my heart. Reading the back story of what happened between him and his top was heartbreaking. I love that you have him say that they were madly in love to begin with because it brings home the fact that all abusive relationships start that way. Why would they start otherwise.
AND he's a switch, and him and Woolsey are going to play ::does kermit hands of delight:: I totally called that.
Oh and John being blocked and feeling wrong and a bad husband because of it makes me want to hug him. It really reminds me of a scene in G&DS when he said to Rodney that the universe they were stranded in was different and he didn't know how to protect Rodney there because the rules were all different. Now, the rules might be the same but John is different and he doesn't know how to deal with that.
no subject
on Oct. 23rd, 2008 06:33 am (UTC)(no subject)
Posted by(no subject)
Posted byno subject
on Oct. 24th, 2008 12:38 am (UTC)Also, john! poor guy. all guilty ridden and upset over not being able to take care of rodney the way he wants too :(
okay, off to the next chapter!
no subject
on Oct. 24th, 2008 06:58 am (UTC)no subject
on Oct. 25th, 2008 08:04 pm (UTC)no subject
on Oct. 25th, 2008 08:53 pm (UTC)no subject
on Oct. 27th, 2008 01:47 am (UTC)Awww! Poor Ducky!
And I love the idea of Ducky/Woolsey.
no subject
on Oct. 27th, 2008 08:23 am (UTC)And yeah - me too :-)
(no subject)
Posted by(no subject)
Posted byno subject
on Oct. 27th, 2008 02:00 am (UTC)Clearly (well established in G&DS), there would not be any brigs or prisons. Is there capital punishment? For whom? What if it's a revenge-type murder, such as John killing someone for assaulting Rodney (in his view). Is every top a law unto him or herself?
no subject
on Oct. 27th, 2008 08:24 am (UTC)no subject
on Oct. 29th, 2008 12:30 am (UTC)Ducky's tale was distressing, though ultimately satisfying, and it was great to get the story behind his wearing of Gibbs' collar. I liked how he used it, too, and howit allowed me to see another, more human side to Woolsey.
I'm also pleased that John was able to talk to Gibbs, because Gibbs was right- there's not really anyone John could speak to in Atlantis who would truly understand, but a lot of his feelings mirrored Gibbs' own.
Hopefully the talk and the near miss with the punishment will allow John to find his balance again. Both he and Rodney need it.
Laura.
no subject
on Oct. 29th, 2008 08:00 am (UTC)And yes, John and Gibbs are a similar kind of top I think - intense and focussed on their subs. It's nice to see one of them being able to help the other :-)
no subject
on Feb. 5th, 2009 06:57 am (UTC)Zaz
no subject
on Feb. 5th, 2009 08:27 am (UTC)no subject
on Oct. 17th, 2009 11:58 pm (UTC)no subject
on Oct. 18th, 2009 07:53 am (UTC)no subject
on Apr. 1st, 2010 09:02 am (UTC)*hurries to read more*
no subject
on Apr. 1st, 2010 06:30 pm (UTC)