You capture the complexity of a subs relationship and motives, but the General comes off as being fairly simple in his emotional make-up: possessiveness, like a tiger, animal lust. I've been reviewing how complicated a Dom's emotions get, even when they know their target well, that hidden thread of worry that they're handling this right, "did I go too far there?"
"Oh shit, wrapped a tail, that's gonna hurt, but I can't end the scene on this note...."
"I'm really tired and do not want to dominate anyone tonight, or I'll do damage... hope he gets the message without my having to say so."
"Am I allowing him to get too dependent here?"
Tops are vulnerable and wade out into the unknown, put a brick face over the uncertainty. Most professional Dominitrixes won't play with a bottom who won't set his own limits, because that's asking too much. In a 24/7 relationship there arise a lot of the same kinds of issues that single parents have if the power games slide outside of the bedroom, which is what you've envisioned here.
Then there are the abuse issues. When you're actually angry at your sub you can't play. You just can't. Maybe you need a separate toy and separate rules, perhaps, but I think you really just have to cool it and walk. Because you'll start mixing the anger with your sex life and that will mess up the relationship. You will hit where before you'd've just yelled.
It becomes knee-jerk, the way a soldier learns to use a gun. A Vietnam vet told me that one time his commanding officer called him a "fuckin' Indian" -- and the gun was in the soldier's hand that fast. He didn't even realize it, it was automatic. He said the only reason that man was alive today was because his friend grabbed his hand.
When you're 24/7 the line becomes very... wiggly. And the Dom's the one who has to draw it all the time, unless your sub's smart enough to realize it, is honest with you, and sets his own limits.
The other side is taking the sub for granted as he does your laundry, and all these little tasks simply get "handled" all around you. You begin to use him without even noticing it, and the sub will give and give and give until they just snap. Suddenly they'll stop doing your laundry, and you'll wonder why, what happened.
Then there's another boundary question: the sub getting lazy, wanting you to make their decisions for you. A top is usually a take-charge personality who will start to run stupid things that only undermine the sub. Then the sub gets petty and childish and resentful, even though he asked for your help.
One silly example is a sub who wanted the correct spelling of everything. His top was well-educated, so the sub consulted him like a dictionary. But the sub started to feel uneducated and inadequate the more he did this, and then, of course he asked more frequently because his confidence was now undermined. Augh. Then whenever the sub came up with a word his top couldn't spell, the sub gloated and rubbed it in, pissing off his top. He started pulling out the Reader's Digest Word Power so he could see his top miss one or two. This is a true story!
Eventually the top realized what was going on, so he threw the ball back in the sub's court, "How do you think it's spelled?" When the sub got it right, he pointed out, "See? You knew all along." The sub got really outraged the first time the top wouldn't give him the spelling of a word because he'd become lazy, accostomed to an easy answer, and fearful he'd get it wrong without the top's help. It took months to nurse the sub's ego back to health. Subs' egos are often not in good shape to begin with and often their fantasy is to abdicate responsibility to the top. They think this is trust when it's really childishness.
Trust? *snort* People find it relatively easy to trust. But there are a lot more bottoms than there are tops, because not a lot of people are that generous. And Tops burn out all the time.
I see "burn out" written all over this society of yours, unless you've dealt with these issues.
For the sub it's about trust. For the Dom it's about being able to trust yourself - very difficult, especially when you inevitably make mistakes - and sheer burn out.
Thinking out loud - part 2
"Oh shit, wrapped a tail, that's gonna hurt, but I can't end the scene on this note...."
"I'm really tired and do not want to dominate anyone tonight, or I'll do damage... hope he gets the message without my having to say so."
"Am I allowing him to get too dependent here?"
Tops are vulnerable and wade out into the unknown, put a brick face over the uncertainty. Most professional Dominitrixes won't play with a bottom who won't set his own limits, because that's asking too much. In a 24/7 relationship there arise a lot of the same kinds of issues that single parents have if the power games slide outside of the bedroom, which is what you've envisioned here.
Then there are the abuse issues. When you're actually angry at your sub you can't play. You just can't. Maybe you need a separate toy and separate rules, perhaps, but I think you really just have to cool it and walk. Because you'll start mixing the anger with your sex life and that will mess up the relationship. You will hit where before you'd've just yelled.
It becomes knee-jerk, the way a soldier learns to use a gun. A Vietnam vet told me that one time his commanding officer called him a "fuckin' Indian" -- and the gun was in the soldier's hand that fast. He didn't even realize it, it was automatic. He said the only reason that man was alive today was because his friend grabbed his hand.
When you're 24/7 the line becomes very... wiggly. And the Dom's the one who has to draw it all the time, unless your sub's smart enough to realize it, is honest with you, and sets his own limits.
The other side is taking the sub for granted as he does your laundry, and all these little tasks simply get "handled" all around you. You begin to use him without even noticing it, and the sub will give and give and give until they just snap. Suddenly they'll stop doing your laundry, and you'll wonder why, what happened.
Then there's another boundary question: the sub getting lazy, wanting you to make their decisions for you. A top is usually a take-charge personality who will start to run stupid things that only undermine the sub. Then the sub gets petty and childish and resentful, even though he asked for your help.
One silly example is a sub who wanted the correct spelling of everything. His top was well-educated, so the sub consulted him like a dictionary. But the sub started to feel uneducated and inadequate the more he did this, and then, of course he asked more frequently because his confidence was now undermined. Augh. Then whenever the sub came up with a word his top couldn't spell, the sub gloated and rubbed it in, pissing off his top. He started pulling out the Reader's Digest Word Power so he could see his top miss one or two. This is a true story!
Eventually the top realized what was going on, so he threw the ball back in the sub's court, "How do you think it's spelled?" When the sub got it right, he pointed out, "See? You knew all along." The sub got really outraged the first time the top wouldn't give him the spelling of a word because he'd become lazy, accostomed to an easy answer, and fearful he'd get it wrong without the top's help. It took months to nurse the sub's ego back to health. Subs' egos are often not in good shape to begin with and often their fantasy is to abdicate responsibility to the top. They think this is trust when it's really childishness.
Trust? *snort* People find it relatively easy to trust. But there are a lot more bottoms than there are tops, because not a lot of people are that generous. And Tops burn out all the time.
I see "burn out" written all over this society of yours, unless you've dealt with these issues.
For the sub it's about trust. For the Dom it's about being able to trust yourself - very difficult, especially when you inevitably make mistakes - and sheer burn out.
Icarus